Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
