I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
