I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Boobs are out for the taking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
