I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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