remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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