The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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