i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
