I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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