That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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