the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
