I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
