garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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