So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
