Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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