He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
