I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you made out with another girl for some wings
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
try to milk me bitch
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
