i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
