What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The best revenge is premature balding
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
