So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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