I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
