This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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