Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
