Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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