I feel like I'm in dance class right now
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize