i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
