i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
