I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
