She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
