I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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