Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
