So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
