My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
