I puked a lego.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
