Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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