Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
