I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
