That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
