I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
