I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
