I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
