Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
