She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
