It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
