Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
