When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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