around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
