so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she told me i tasted like america
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
