I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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