i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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