The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My ass is underappreciated
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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