I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She bit a glass in half.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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