I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
