i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
