He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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