my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
