I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
