i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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