weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
