if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
