its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
