I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
