Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
