Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
