She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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