it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
