I CAN MOONWALK!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
