I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
