Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize