my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
