I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
