I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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