It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
