u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
