Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
