I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
