I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
