If that was your dad, he is hot
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize