he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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