I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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