you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize