dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
