Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
