she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
