I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
