My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
