the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
