I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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