A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
