I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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