I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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